From the Vault:
I have been home for less than an hour and already had to make 4 trips to the can. trips 1, 2 and 3 were each of different consistencies. Trip 4 was basically an extension of 3, vomiting out the ass.lord, make it stop.
- The Constipator
Wednesday, July 23, 2008
Saturday, July 19, 2008
From the blast chamber
I'm going to try and make this a regular occurance here, but since this site came about because of some classic emails, I'll transpose them here. Because sometimes, when you navagate the serious world deadlines and meetings, there are moments of hilarity and serenity. Because everything poops.
From our old friend The Big Lepoopski:
"I haven't pooed all weekend and finally had to reeeeaaaalllllly bad this morning. I mean, like turtle head poking out all freakin morning. But, a water pipe broke in the back, near the bathrooms and made sure people were back there all morning fixing the damn thing and then this stupid cinco de mayo party we are having had the entire branch in the break room (right near the toilet) for the last hour or so. Finally, after pinching it back for nearly three hours, I just had to do it. I seriously was about to poop my pants. And, of course, it stinks to high heaven and everyone sees me go into the bathroom and not come out for five minutes or so, and I'm sure the stink reeked through the hallway to the break room. On top of that, our toilet seems to grab poop and hold onto it like no other toilet I've ever come across so pretty much anytime anyone craps it leaves streaks like mad (I swear the toilet must be selling this crap on E-Bay the way it holds on to the streaks). Well, since I pretty much pooped out my entire lower intestine, the streak level was even higher than normal. Normally I would double flush, but with the entire branch within ear shot that was not an option, so I left it, with back wash floaters and streaks galore for the only other guy (who only works twice a week but happens to be in today) to use after he's finishing eating his meal. Seriously, it's like all of the poop Gods got together and had a good laugh at my expense today."
From our old friend The Big Lepoopski:
"I haven't pooed all weekend and finally had to reeeeaaaalllllly bad this morning. I mean, like turtle head poking out all freakin morning. But, a water pipe broke in the back, near the bathrooms and made sure people were back there all morning fixing the damn thing and then this stupid cinco de mayo party we are having had the entire branch in the break room (right near the toilet) for the last hour or so. Finally, after pinching it back for nearly three hours, I just had to do it. I seriously was about to poop my pants. And, of course, it stinks to high heaven and everyone sees me go into the bathroom and not come out for five minutes or so, and I'm sure the stink reeked through the hallway to the break room. On top of that, our toilet seems to grab poop and hold onto it like no other toilet I've ever come across so pretty much anytime anyone craps it leaves streaks like mad (I swear the toilet must be selling this crap on E-Bay the way it holds on to the streaks). Well, since I pretty much pooped out my entire lower intestine, the streak level was even higher than normal. Normally I would double flush, but with the entire branch within ear shot that was not an option, so I left it, with back wash floaters and streaks galore for the only other guy (who only works twice a week but happens to be in today) to use after he's finishing eating his meal. Seriously, it's like all of the poop Gods got together and had a good laugh at my expense today."
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