CHINESE BUFFET OF DEATH

This was my coworker's last week at work. So before he sexually harassed everybody on his way out the door, I took him out for lunch. Like poltergeist from my past, of course he chose the all-you-can-eat Chinese Buffet. Back in the day I used to rule the Chinese Buffet like I rule the Spheres. This day it was different.

After loading up on a modest amount of plates of various meats and limited vegetables, the demons in my belly began singing in an impish chorus the likes of which have not been heard since Berlioz was writing music all hopped up on ether. 4 hours later the Dook finally struck. It wasn't a cataclysmic blow. However, he was quite lengthy and as he continued to leave, I preempted any plumbing issues by flushing. Afterward, I felt 3 pounds lighter and MUCH better.

Unfortunately, removing the obstruction uncorked the old-man broccoli spirits. I then spent the next 6 hours battling the most foul smelling, flower wilting, groan inducing gas. I'm not sure how exactly Chinese food is prepared. But I now know that it is not too far from the recipe for hotdogs, romlettes, or PBR.

Lorda'Mercy!